angels and airwaves

the girl at my work got me into angels and airwaves again. i was so into them for a while. i heard they were terrible live so i never had any desire to do that, but damn i couldnt stop listening. they have the best lyrics, so different than anything ive ever listened to. its just my life. over and over. and i feel like everyone who really likes them feels the same. ha

been feeling more and more like a 15 year old girl with curfew, with limitations, with rules. I am 22 years old. thats so crazy. i can do whatever i want. anytime. with anyone. thats crazy. I make my own rules, but i cant help but feel like thats not true. I dont feel free. I dont know. I feel held down, underneath, inprisoned. I feel trapped. Maybe its me. I feel stuck. Like this is all ill ever have. but theres tons of things i want to do. Things i really want to do. I dont feel like they are possible here. not now. not here. I feel glued into this routine. This everyday on and off again routine. The way that i feel is up and down always. Im happy then sad, im excited then angry. It takes almost nothing to change me. Im just a little crazy. I deserve to be alone. I need to be alone. I keep wanting to leave town. Just hide for a bit. Get my big paycheck and bail. Roll out. Dip out. Peace. Haha no i definitely wont do that. Theres no way i could leave all i have, especially my job. Ill be fine. I just got a few quirks to work out. A few twists and grinds to figure out. Im the biggest mystery to myself. Im a puzzle i cant solve. The words i cant make out and the biggest secret ill ever not know. We are crazy. People in general.

So excited for obama. for 2009. ready to make this year about me. me. me. i deserve that more than i think anyone does (and i guess anyone should feel that way about themselves)

Never gonna give up on making my life into what i want. Someday im gonna figure it all out and its gonna be so easy. more easy than i ever thought. and im gonna look back and laugh. Im a pretty funny person anyways. I love me. Like me for me. I do bad shit but so does everyone. So im just average.

i love this luxury life ive been given and somehow i want to throw it all away at the same time.

insane

life is so fucking crazy. absurd and new and interesting and always moving. and its nice to sit back and look at it for that.


now is all we ever always have. right NOW.

we dont own the future or the past

this is how i feel

(: