cant run, cant turn away

Everything is insane and out of control all the time. i dont know whats going on. who i know what i know. what i do.

im sick of writing the same shit
so basically ive been working a ton, in the midst of still moving out of my apartment and home
its hard to leave
its hard to think of leaving

everything is hard, i need to start over but thats not what i want.
i got nothing. im empty. soul less. angry. bitter.
i feel anger all around me. i could kill someone with my anger sometimes it seems
okay probably not
but still

and i cant control it, it makes me flare up and steam literally feels like its coming out of my ears. it could be anything. heres an example. today at 711, these loud rowdy men came in for drinks and hot dogs and stuff and just being loud and obnoxious. and all i think in a rage is how if they say one word to me i am going to flip out. and i feel my blood boiling. and im ready to take it. im ready to attack if they say ONE thing.
nothing happened and they didnt say anything to me.

but isnt that crazy or absurd? I hate driving now because im angry all the time when im on the road, driver after driver pisses me off. i really can only drive late at night. or like saturdays and sundays. getting off work and driving home is the absolute worst especially if its been a bad stressful day. i could literally total my car.

I am losing my mind, slowly but surely and i see it everyday. What will make me snap?


I miss me. Calm, submissive, quiet Jess.
Now im bluntly rude and a total asshole if i dont like you, and im just ignorant to anyone i choose to dislike. Maybe work brings it out in me. I will straight up hang up on people who try to be dicks. I dont give a fuck about you or your dog or if hes overdue on shots, you treat me like shit i will just hang up. My job teaches me i have no patience. I have actually straight up said "I am not doing this anymore" and walked away from a client once who was trying to play retarded and tell me we are misunderstanding each other, no you're just a fucking bitch.

! I am so mean. And prejudice. to everything. especially girls.

Something triggers this in me. I bet i know what it is. I need it.
why cant i get it?



oh i stretched my ears bigger. haaa im awesome.
i got nothing else to say, i kinda want to go to bed but its too early
i work 7 to 3 tomorrow. super lame. too early.
maybe not.
easy day whatever.
bye