growing up i was always underweight. i hated it. people always thought i was anorexic. i actually had to go see a doctor because i wasnt gaining weight properly. Finally at age 21 i am gaining weight. It could be the fact i quit smoking cigarettes(smoking during my growing periods?), new medication, or the fact i smoke a ton of pot now. HA. lots more snacking and constant eating. But i feel healthy. I feel great. I love that i almost cant fit in my jeans. I always wanted to be curvier. Being skinny isnt fun and you definitely dont look good. I mean i dont know, i just dont like it. I like not having to buy the smallest size jeans possible. I was like a steadily 100-102 since age 15. I am now comfortably like 113. Comfortable and i wouldnt mind more weight!!
Last night i spent like 2 hours on myspace just checking out new bands by looking at top friends of other bands. It was like an endless cycle, i ended up in a state of "togetherness" a group of bands with the same fans, playing the same shows, being friends. I was finding music from Italy that was playing my favorite sounding songs. I went on a tour of music across the world almost last night. Pop punk from europe, south america, australia. I feel so happy. On my myspace page i put almost every single band i found last night on my top friends. They are all the best band in the world. They all have a song that makes me so happy. The best part is that most of them are coming to baltimore soon! So im excited to go see some great bands play. Music is becoming a staple that determines my mood, well music and the weather. Oh and caffiene makes me feel like shit. Is there caffiene in birch beer? Cause i drank it and now i feel like complete crap. sigh.

Wow so i just accidently pressed back space and it took me pages back and i was so scared, but thank god this thing has an auto save!!! That makes me so happpppy. I wont have to worry about losing shit i spent forever writing.

So speaking of new music, i found this band Anarbor. They have this song called Beat of The Drum, and i kind of relate to the words more than i thought...

"To hell with what they say, I don’t write these words for you
I write these words for me, and when it comes down to it
I’ve got nothing to lose but everything to gain
When my chance comes ill be the first to leave"

I really want ice cream right now. Maybe when jon gets back from dizzy issies we will go. hm.. im sick of being alone already.