i am so lucky.
my words do not go unread. i have the ability to put a smile on someones face. i can control someone elses emotions. i have my friends. i have everyone. i have people to be there for me, people who want to spend time with me. why cant i be socially perfect and know exactly what to say all the time and be able to hang out with people and not ever have things feel awkward? I wish i knew what to say all the time to make things right. to make things fun. i want to be fun i want to be that person that i wish i could be. i want to be someone completely different. sometimes the things i feel, i get angry about. i get mad at myself for feeling jealous, sad, depressed, crazy. I get mad. Its almost like my body and my mind are two different things then my mind is split up. So its like there are 4 quarters that somehow have to match. what the fuck am i talking about. the head has good and bad and then the physical has good and bad. but the good on the mind and physical almost never meet up. ill feel good in my head then unwell in my body. i just want to feel great all the time. i want to walk to starbucks tonight. i dont want to sit here. i want to get out. i am so sick of sitting around all the time.
but what the hell do i want to do? im sitting here just writing these words of things i wish i could do, things i wish i could feel, and the reason i dont feel them is because i am in this house and not outside doing the things that would make me feel the way i want to. why arent i going out? oh yea, i dont have a car




i wish my life was different all the time.